The first day 第一天

This blog is an attempt to achieve what so far in my life has evaded me, to push me, to motivate me to really strive to take control of my life. I am striving to become live what to me is the perfect life. I understand that any claims to perfection, in anything, are futile as perfection is an idea that comes from the imagination, having no roots in the real world. Such as a perfect circle: there is no way to draw a perfect circle – even computers cannot do such a thing, as at some microscopic degree there will be an imperfection. If we cannot design machines to produce perfection, how can flawed carbon-based organisms ever dream to achieve perfection?

And yet, within the question lies the answer: dream. I am an avid dreamer, both day and night, and refuse to give up my dreams. Calls to maturity, to “grow up” and become an adult, to be realistic have all failed to strip me of my dreams in life; however, my dreams have still not come to life. I feel that I have the ability to achieve my dreams, but due to whatever reasons, whether money, peer pressure, or doubts, I have never fully dedicated myself to them. I want to prove that dreams are not just for kids, if not to the world then at least to myself.

I admit that there is no objective version of the perfect life, but relative to the individual there is always a life that one could be leading that, oneself admitting, is better than the one that he is living now. There is a life I dreamed up that I wish I could live and a person I wish I could become. Perhaps in the pursuit of these dreams I will find that in fact my dreamed up life is not actually as great as I thought, and my dreams will change. Perhaps I will find that the kind of person that I want to become is in practice not ideal. These findings are just as much of a success as if I were to become what I set out to become, as I am in pursuit of answers foremost and results second.

If I don’t actively pursue my dreams, I will always have the guilt in the back of my mind telling me “you are wasting your time, you lazy fool, pursue what really matters in your life.” I have already etched out what I believe my perfect life is, so the next step is a huge dose of courage, self-control, learning, organization, an open mind, and most importantly change to reach it.
During an exercise at www.stevepavlina.com, a blog dedicated to personal development, I was asked to imagine what I would regret not doing before the end of my life. My list was surprisingly long, which gave rise to doubt that my current life path was designed to complete all of these things. In no particular order, also including a few short term goals that I would feel regret if not completing, the list is as follows:

1. Learn 5 languages fluently
2. Live in 10 different countries, including China, Japan, Korea, Hong Kong, Europe, and New York
3. Act in a movie and a TV show
4. Put out a CD that becomes popular
5. Become a multi-millionaire
6. Work for myself
7. Learn to sing well, play guitar well, and play piano well
8. Learn to break dance and perform in front of a crowd
9. Become an expert in investing in the stock market
10. Work towards international peace
11. Do international business
12. Write a book
13. Fall in love and get married
14. Run e-sports leagues for the average person
15. Read all of the top 100 most important books in every field
16. Perform in a concert
17. Spend a year in solitude
18. Become a diplomat
19. Learn photography and photoshop
20. Run a blog site that gets 1 million hits
21. Read the most famous works in all of the languages I learn
22. Gain ultimate freedom through passive income
23. Raise kids
24. Work for the UN
25. Produce a music video from start to finish myself
26. Learn to cook all major holiday dishes, and a few dishes from different cultures
27. Get a higher degree (masters or even PHD)

28. Perform weekly at lush
29. Score a perfect score on the HSK
30. Become a manager at work
31. Pay off my loans

These probably seem over the top to most people, but I will feel more than an ounce of regret if I find myself in my 30s without having crossed more than a few of these off my list. The last few goals are short term goals.

Besides goals, I also have personal growth goals, including habits and character. I want to become more patient, calculated, and confident. I want to be focused, highly attentive, aware, and calm. Self-control, open-mindedness, and compassion are also on the list. I want to become more independent.

This blog will serve as transparency for myself; If I'm not on my way to reaching my goals, it will be obvious. The blog will slow down, there won't be as many updates. If I'm doing well, there will be updates very often with hopefully good news. I'm using this blog as a motivational tool, something physical that I can come to everyday that is a visual measure of my progress and a visual reminder of my goals. It is also an organizational tool: keeping so many goals within the confines of my mind would be a hefty weight. I want to make this a project without a timelimit that I can "sign in" to daily. It will keep me on track without the burden of thinking about it all the time.

Where am I at?
I am 22 years old. I live in Beijing, China, so I am at least on the way to one of my goals. I speak mandarin, but not to the fluency that I want. I play guitar and have written some music, but only a few songs and I haven't taken enough time to produce the music, nor have I learned how to sing or play the piano. I like to rap and write hip hop music, but I still need to learn the technology behind it as well as acquire the right tools. I am 22,000 USD in debt - far from becoming a millionaire.

I work for a video game company called Perfect World, but I just started a few months ago so I have not gotten the opportunity to work in international business just yet. I used to dance latin in college, but that's a lot different than break dancing. I am a terrible writer, and I don't read much. I don't know how to nor have money to invest in the stock market.

I am not a patient person. I am very competitive and get jealous pretty easily, which has had a huge impact on my life. I don't have much self-control, especially socially where I have a hard time saying no to people and to alcohol. My attention span is embarassing, and may be the biggest challenge to this project. Procrastination has also been a vice of mine and large determinant of whether or not my goals are reached to satisfaction.

Where to start?

I have picked a few small goals for myself that I will be focusing on in the beginning, both as an easy early trial and things that must be accomplished in order to move on to the rest of my goals. So here they are:

1) Get a perfect score on the HSK (Chinese proficiency test). There are 3 levels: beginner, intermediate, and advanced. Getting an 11 on the advanced test (the highest score) is the equivalent of being an intermediate translator. There are professional translator proficiency tests, but I have set the standard of fluency I want to acheive at the highest level on the standard language tests. Going further in fluency would be like being and English major in college.
long term goal: Learn 5 languages fluently.

2) Save 50% of my salary. This is absolutely necessary for anything to move forward. Spending money leads to more spending, which means not saving money for things that really matter. The reasons behind this are:
Long term goals:
                 a) Pay back my student loans ASAP. Talk about the ultimate lack of freedom: monthly payments are a pain and make it impossible for me to go any period of time unemployed.
                 b) Save up a $5k-$10k safety net. This is probably the most important financial decision anyone can make. Having a sum of money saved up for emergencies is necessary to acheive financial freedom.

3) Get a promotion. While my ultimate goal is to be financially independent and work for myself, I still want to work hard where I am now. I am not in a position to start my own business yet, still am in debt, and thus a promotion would be very good for me. I would also make more money ^_^
Long term goals:
                a) Work in international business: This may happen in this company, and also would be great experience for the future
                b) Character development - Hard-working/responsible : I want to be hard-working no matter where I am, no matter if I like what I'm doing or not. I admire most those that are hard-working in the face of maintaining the status quo and working at the bare minimum.

4) Perform at Lush confidently: Lush is a local western 24 hour restaurant / bar that hosts an open mic every sunday night. It is always packed and there are impressive as well as not-so-impressive people who play there. You play, you get a free drink. This as a goal will push me to play more and write more as to be well prepared. More experience playing in public is definitly something I need, as well as the opportunity to meet other artists.
Long term goals:
               a) Put out a CD / Play the guitar well / Play in a concert: The normal coffee shop to fame road
               b) Confidence: I am not confident to play in front of other people, so this would be a good way for me to build up my confidence in myself. Learning confidence in one thing can hopefully transfer into confidence in other things as I learn how to build it.

5) Run a blog site that follows my life progress. This is my way of making all of my actions accountable and transparent, letting everyone out there know what I'm doing in my life (I'm bad at keeping in contact with people), and a motivation for myself. On top of these, daily reflection is the best way to better understand yourself, and also serves as a writing-improvement tool. Writing a blog daily, assuming I pay attention to spelling, grammar, diction, sentence structure etc, can help me reach other goals.
Long term goals:
             a) Everything: a medium and organization tool
             b) Write a book. Perhaps I will end up considering my blog as a book: a modern day autobiography?  I will also gain better writing skills through this process.

One of my main reasons for making this public is because I know that I do not have all of the answers. I hope I can receive some suggestions from readers (if there end up being any ha) on anything that I propose: it could range form how to write my blog, how to improve XX, another country I should visit, another goal I should add, or some other method for personal development that I hadn't thought of.

I'm almost skeptical that this blog will take me anywhere, but I know that skepticism instead of going 100% into something is dooming yourself to failure.
Wish me luck!  Here I go.