Certain people give me a negative vibe, while others give me a positive vibe (or put off that kind of aura or whatever you want to call it). There are certain reasons for this, but one of the largest ones is based on their reaction to what I do or say. I think the term "be responsible for your actions" should be revised to say "be responsible for your actions and reactions" because I think people aren't really clear about that and it almost always turns out that a persons actions and reactions give me a completely different feeling, as they are probably conscious of what they are doing when they are acting, but not when they are reacting.
Negative reactions are ones in which the person who is listening to you or sees what you do immediately turns on the defenses, either criticising or simply rejecting you. I get this all the time from certain people, especially when making suggestions or showing people something that I find interesting. Negative people will immediately put up their defenses and take a hard line approach against whatever I said. Example: "Hey look at this article, he says X" "He is stupid. He is not taking X, Y, Z into concern." "Yeah, perhaps, but the information is usefull" "No, it's too vague." This is a negative person who refuses to acknowledge any new information for whatever reason.
A positive person on the other hand is more likely to be understanding and trustful, they will try to first understand what you are saying and why before making a decision. "Hey look at this article, he says X" "That is interesting, I've seen that before. Do you think..." Already there is a difference in communication.
One person focuses on why he should (usually not) care about what you are telling him, while the other tries to understand why YOU care, even if it is not actually interesting to him. This is positive communication.
So what if you are genuinly not interested and think what you are saying is stupid? A person who is positive in his reactions will not just say "you are stupid" or "not interested," as this communicates "I don't care what you have to say / about you," which would be hard to maintain a friendship. Sure, if you don't care about other people then go ahead and say this, but I don't think you'll have many friends for long.
I don't see a reason to not be interested in what my friend's say, no matter what it is. If I take a look and find that it is not interesting I'll say so, but not first after seriously considering the matter and hearing out the other person's point. There have been countless times where my negative reaction has closed off opportunities, raised tensions between friends, and were outright stupid as I ended up really interested. Play safe and react positively to people, you just might make more friends.
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2 comments:
Yeah, it all really depends on the person. Some people are more sensitive to criticism then others, so it's a touchy line you have to feel out. I think it just takes experience dealing with people, but I think generally a positive outlook on things will net you more friends. But if your close enough to them or know that they appreciate constructive criticism, sometimes it is better to keep it real with them even if it might be construed as negative. Either way, as long as you have good intentions and understand how people work, then it should be fine :)
Thanks for the comment. You are right that criticism of others should be done differently depending on the person. Perhaps I wasn't really clear on what I meant.
What I meant is not that criticism should be avoided, but rather discuss positive and negative reactions. Many people's immediate reaction is negative, full of distrust and a "you are wrong" attitude rather than first always assuming what the other person is saying is worth their attention.
I'm actually talking less about me and more about others around me. There are certain people who simply must shoot down every comment other people make, which is really annoying.
The problem with this is that people don't end up getting that close, and I've found it a barrier to get to close to some people mostly because I don't want to get that close to somebody who is always prepared with a negative remark.
Perhaps I wasn't clear in the article so to clarify: I was writing about a mindset that some hold in which they immediately respond to everything negatively, while others respond positively.
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