Crowd walking should be an olympic sport

Today while walking to work I noticed something, and I might be on to something big so everyone should pay close attention: Crowd walking has enormous potential to become an olympic sport. While walking to work today I came up with a rough set of rules.

Crowd walking would be very similar to skiing - you have a limited course and various obstacles that you can gain points by interacting with. Here are the obstacles:

The average joe: The average joe is in your way to victory; speed past him and gain 1 point. Nothing special here

Slightly Tilted Tammy: Careful with this one - she has a tilt to her walk. This often forces her to one side, then she compensates and tilts the other way walking to the other. Spot a tilted tammy, get around her and net yourself 2 points.

Granny Grimace: With one of these on the streets how could anyone deny that crowd walking should be an olympic sport? After getting around tilted tammy be careful not to slam right into grammy grimace and knock out her pacemaker. She is slow and confused - stopping and starting at various intervals. This combined with an average joe and a tammy and you might just find yourself in the negative points. Granny is worth 3 points

Love - Doves (not holding hands): The difficulty just keeps rising. These two will walk together, making for a larger obstacle, but they will separate and then come back together at random intervals. Smart crowd walkers will time this well and walk right between them. 4 points.

Love - Doves (holding hands): This version, while seemingly easier due to the easier timing, is actually much harder as they take up 3/4 of the path. Love - Doves often have their heads in the sky, so you can think about them as a double tilted tammy. These are worth 5 points.

Kiddy walker: Women (or sometimes men) with kids are on the expert courses only - don't try this at home folks. The kiddy walkers are in two places on the course at once and often change speeds. The smaller obstacle will run randomly, sometimes stopping to pee, creating a 3rd obstacle in its wake. The larger obstacle will often be a granny grimace, so be careful of this deadly duo! 6 points!

The wanderer: The second hardest obstacle on a course and one even an expert as myself cannot surpass with ease. The wanderer is an upgraded granny grimace, tied in with kiddy walker and tilted tammy tendancies. The wanderer does not know where he is going, often found turning completely around, speed walking in diagonals, crouching in the middle of the path, spreading his arms out, and changing speeds. If you manage to get past one of these good for you - 7 points.

The beauty: One that I have yet to learn to get past without running into a wanderer or kiddy walker (or even sometimes a tilted tammy!) is the beauty. She wears very slutty clothing, or at least something slightly revealing, and catches your attention so you don't notice the others in your path. She raises the overal difficulty of the course just with her presense as average joes often become granny grimaces, and granny grimaces become wnaderers. If you can check her out without falling to the other obstacles you nail 10 points.

Accessaries:

The Smoker: Any of the above can increase the course difficulty by just adding a cigarrete. Now when they walk you can't even bump their arm or you get a burn mark (minus 3 points). Also every few seconds a puff of smoke will block one side of the path - going through it will slow your speed tremendously.

The traveler: Turn any of the above into a traveler by adding luggage. It seems everyday there is at least one traveler and it is really quite a treat. You never know when the suitcase will get stuck rolling or when they will drop it in your path.

The talker: Give an obstacle a cell phone and they become an instant terror: They lose track of where they are walking and instantly increase in difficulty.

Well that's about it for now. Perhaps I'll write up a strategy guide someday to this new olympic sport. Good luck to all of you walkers out there! If you have any ideas other than the above, feel free to post them in the comments section.