A Chinese Girl Stole My Soul

3 years ago I was a completely different person than I am now, I didn't realize the true implications of what happened and how this changed me until yesterday.

One Saturday night near the end of my first summer in Beijing I decided to go out with my friends to a club. I had always avoided clubs and bars, mostly because I didn't like what alcohol did to people, and I thought that clubs were a little too raucous for me. I had always wanted to check the scene out and I really liked to dance, so I let down my guard and gave in to my friends. I went to the club.

Luck seemed to be on my side; I met an angel. She danced free and fun, the way I like to dance. She was interested in me, and I her. I got her number and we started hanging out. She liked to drink - a lot. I wasn't much of a drinker, but I really wanted to impress her, so I would drink with her. I would go out to meet her at various bars nightly; she liked to see me every day. She took me all over Beijing to various clubs, bars, and art spots. We talked about everything - she spoke perfect English - and she even helped me with my Chinese a bit. I couldn't stop thinking about her and, even when I left traveling through china for 2 weeks with my friend, I would call her every day. I even called her from Hong Kong.

Then things started changing. She started to become more and more distant. Some days she would disappear. The first time I started becoming a little suspicious was when she told me she would be in shanghai for a week, then mysteriously I got a knock on my door the next night at 3am - it was her, drunk. She said that she had flown back that night from shanghai because she wanted to see me. I believed her, as naive as that was.

I thought that what I really needed to do was put more effort into the relationship and get her to feel more comfortable spending more time with me. I set up surprises for her, such as with flowers and dinner at various nice places, wine and home cooked meals, and planned out activities. They all seemed to go really great, but at the end she would always hint that she wanted to keep a little distance and didn't want to take things too fast. I didn't understand - if someone wants to be with someone, don't they want to all the time? Don't they want to do things together all of the time?

My stupidity went further. My friends, with the utmost courtesy and compassion for my feelings told me that they saw her kissing another guy at a club and that she went home with him. I couldn't beleive them, so I called her to meet with me right that moment. She came and we talked over coffee. She explained that it was a good friend of hers that she had known for a while and that she had kissed him on the cheek. It was a friendship thing. I believed her again.

She invited me to a cross dressing party. I thought it would be a blast and took one of my best friends here with me. She dressed as a guy, and I a girl. We got to her place and it wasn't very crowded, but most of the other people were japanese. One of the Japanese guys kept jockying for her attention - but I didn't pay any heed to this. What I did pay heed to was what happened next - a group of English guys strolled into the place, all in their late 20s, and none cross dressing. I wasn't sure if they hadn't gotten the memo, if they didn't want to dress up, or if this girl had decided not to tell them for one reason or another. It was quite awkward - japanese and americans cross dressing, while the larger group of english men were dressing in their best bringing in beer.

As I watched her interact with the English guys I realized that there was something different. She was trying to impress them, but she had not tried to impress the original group that was here. And then I asked a question, how do you know flora?, to one of the guys. "Oh, I'm friends with her boyfriend." And then it hit me and I realized why all of this was happening. These were her boyfriend's friends, the older group of more confident would-never-cross-dress Englishmen. I crashed, and pulled flora out of the party to ask about this. She admitted everything, but obviously she left out some details. At the end, I got my friend and left.

It's not over yet..

Later that night, completely torn apart, I went BACK to see her. There is no way that someone I spent so much time with and energy with could possibly just toss me aside like that. I talked to her about everything, and I believed her lies again. She told me that her boyfriend was away and they weren't doing that well. He was dating other girls and so she could date me. While my rational mind was telling me that I should get out as soon as I can, I just couldn't. I stayed and kept seeing her.

Another day after we went out to dinner we were on our way back to her place when she told the taxi to go another way. I asked why and she said that a friend didn't have a place to stay for a while and was staying at her place - so we were going to her NEW place that she would be moving into soon. When we got there something seemed wrong, and then she just spit it out: "I'm moving in with my boyfriend." What! Here you are with me and you take me back to your new place that you would be sharing with your boyfriend?! Actually, I didn't protest at the time, but I did not stay there that night. I still kept seeing her.

She invited me to hang out with her on halloween and go to a halloween party with her and a girlfriend. I dressed up as a cowboy and we headed out to the party. When we got there we ran into another one of her friends, a british guy just a bit older than me who, with his other crazy friend, decided to tag along with us for the night. I could tell that he sort of resented my presence, but only because I was with her. He didn't even talk to the other girl we were with and seemed to force himself to talk to me.

Later that night we went to another club together, the club where Flora was good friends with the DJ and the bartender. I started talking more and more to the british guy and he seemed pretty cool. Then, out of nowhere he tells me - "that girl over there is single, you should take her home later." I laughed and said "haha nah man, I've got a girlfriend, and that's her" - pointing at flora. Looked a little shocked he exclaimed "Oh, you're the English boyfriend?!" Bam. That was worse than a punch in the face. I stayed calm and asked him "how long have you known flora?" He replied that he met her just a couple of months before and dated for a month. I then went on to say "oh really, that's interesting, because I've been dating her for quite a while." We had been dating her at the same time.

I was hit with a flashback - the japanese guy, the british guys, this guy, me, we were all duped by her and her little games. We both turned to confront her. The british guy first went to her, said something, and then left the club. I stayed a little bit longer, confused, but I finally gathered myself and went home.

I want to say that this was the last time I saw her, but it wasn't. I saw her a couple more times in the future, but never the same way. I still thought about her sometimes, but never in a good way. I never realized what this whole experience had done to me.

Never again since that point have I completely given myself to a girl again. I have always kept a part of myself back in protection, and even in some ways I have started to act like her: drinking, clubbing, and keeping distance in relationships. Until yesterday, when someone rightly accused me of being too self-protective, I had never made the connection. Then when I look back at my relationships before flora and the one's after and compare, I realize that there was definitely a different degree of intimacy. This girl has stolen my soul. I want it back.