As mentioned previously I said farewell to my "quest for a better life" blog. That blog felt to me more like a journal, a public journal and thus had limitations in tone and content. Originally I was going to start a completely new blog on a different site with a very focused subject matter: Chasing my dreams. I was going to document my journey through various dreams of mine, using video and podcast as the main media. However I quickly scrapped this idea. Here's why:
1) It was too narrow and felt like I was limiting my thinking and writing too much
2) Dancing and singing (first 2 dreams) all of a sudden felt like work. I was preparing video and articles all while learning and trying to keep up a good pace.
3) It didn't feel like I was adding anything useful to the world, but rather just telling my story and hoping someone got something useful out of it. A little too selfish - not the change I need.
I re-gathered my thoughts and realized a re-focus of my attention doesn't have to be so far and be so limiting. I also realized that I should focus more on my strengths for topics that I write about. I can mix in experimental topics, but it should be through a lens that I hold with confidence. I also need a topic that is more involving for the reader - something that can be immediately helpful, whether through how-to or insight; this will solve the problem of the last blog being too "journalish."
So I decided to revamp this blog and bring it back under a different guise. Instead of just writing random thoughts with a loose theme of "improvement" or "personal critical thinking," I'm going to write about what is probably most interesting to the rest of the world and is a personal passion of mine - China.
By writing about China I can start to document and make more sense of my time here; since one of my goals in coming to China was to compare Chinese customs and thinking to American ones and challenge my all of my socially conditioned thoughts, writing a blog will help with that. People are becoming more and more interested in China, thus information from ground-zero will be helpful to those who are looking to discover the middle kingdom. I can write "how-to"s that can help people who want to come here, but am not limited to that as I can write critical pieces that can help people understand the people here. This spreads awareness between cultures.
China is a very complicated place with a culture that may seem incomprehensible to most people. Actually most people have no idea what Chinese culture is and probably have never tasted real Chinese food. Chinese food isn't sweet and sour pork, fried rice, and chopsticks - although that's the image that appears in the West. Chinese culture isn't all about martial arts and dragons. There is a lot more to Chinese culture than most people know, and this blog is going to uncover that for everyone to see and make it easy to understand.
So why me? Why can I do this? Shouldn't this be a topic for a PHD program? Isn't it ridiculously complicated and will require advanced terminology and a really long book with hundreds of interviews?
Cultural understanding should not be the realm of the highly educated or rich, it should be for the average person as well. There are average people in China, just like in America, so descriptions do not have to be too complicated. I will be writing through experience, not through study - that is the important distinction. I have studied Chinese history, a lot of Chinese language, and have lived in this society for over 2 years now almost 100% immersed.
I believe that academics often miss a lot of things while they are here, because they are here with the initial purpose of studying China and it's people - like rats. They do surveys and set up specific interviews - this can answer specific questions that were thought up while abroad, but I think this kind of mindset is too limiting to truly dig into another society. A blog as a medium for writing about and understanding China is more flexible and hopefully will be easier to understand for the average reader who doesn't have the time or patience to get through a 300 page thorough sociology book about how the Chinese mind works.
So here I go. This is not quite a new journey as I've been on it for 2 years already now, but it is new as it now has a purpose. Come with me on a journey into an amazing place that is renowned for the richest culture in the world, used to be the richest country in the world, and is on the way to once again standing on its feet and gaining international glory. But let's not stop there - let's meet the people and share with them. The world is no longer flat and we should not treat it that way. Let's meet our new neighbors and welcome them with open arms. Welcome to China.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Goodbye
I've decided to shut down this blog. I still have motivation to write and I still enjoy writing, but this blog has not been helping me move toward my goals, nor has it achieved what it was supposed to.
This blog originally was going to be a space for me to organize my thoughts and communicate with other people about what is going on in life; however it failed at that. It's not because I didn't work hard enough, it's just that the premise was all wrong: An online journal about random thoughts does not attract people, so my blog failed in doing what a blog is supposed to do - communicate something to other people. Instead this became the site of my own personal "mental masturbation," only I took a few minutes to try to organize things into paragraphs and check spelling. It serves the same purpose as a journal - except slightly more tedious and limited to thoughts that won't hurt anyone that might read it.
I've realized over the past few days that communicating with others is far more important to me than organizing my thoughts, and personal development does not need a blog in order to be successful. Instead of putting effort into this blog, I'm going to take that energy and put it into other areas of my life that involve real communication with people.
I have thought about setting up a space rather than a blog, something that follows what I'm doing in life with pictures, videos and stories, but I'm not sure what I or other people would get out of that. I don't want to put a ton of work into something that doesn't help me and no one will care about. I'm just not that interesting.
People care about themselves, so in order to really communicate with them you have to relate to them, and I've failed to do that. There is no sense in going on. If I need to organize my thoughts I will do it in a word document. Goodbye to everybody (I think there are a few of you out there). Thanks for your support. Wow this feels good. :)
This blog originally was going to be a space for me to organize my thoughts and communicate with other people about what is going on in life; however it failed at that. It's not because I didn't work hard enough, it's just that the premise was all wrong: An online journal about random thoughts does not attract people, so my blog failed in doing what a blog is supposed to do - communicate something to other people. Instead this became the site of my own personal "mental masturbation," only I took a few minutes to try to organize things into paragraphs and check spelling. It serves the same purpose as a journal - except slightly more tedious and limited to thoughts that won't hurt anyone that might read it.
I've realized over the past few days that communicating with others is far more important to me than organizing my thoughts, and personal development does not need a blog in order to be successful. Instead of putting effort into this blog, I'm going to take that energy and put it into other areas of my life that involve real communication with people.
I have thought about setting up a space rather than a blog, something that follows what I'm doing in life with pictures, videos and stories, but I'm not sure what I or other people would get out of that. I don't want to put a ton of work into something that doesn't help me and no one will care about. I'm just not that interesting.
People care about themselves, so in order to really communicate with them you have to relate to them, and I've failed to do that. There is no sense in going on. If I need to organize my thoughts I will do it in a word document. Goodbye to everybody (I think there are a few of you out there). Thanks for your support. Wow this feels good. :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fear part 2 - Fear as a life direction determinant
I read an interesting article about overcoming fear by Brian Tracey yesterday (via stevepavlina.com) and I think he really hit the mark. While Steve highlighted the part "the more you seek security, the less you have of it" in order to show the importance of controlling fear, I got more out of his three part self-questionnaire.
First, Identify a fear, then ask yourself these 3 questions:
1) How does this fear hold me back in life
2) How does this fear HELP me
3) What would my payoff be for eliminating this fear
#1 and #3 seem a little too obvious to me, but #2 was the real bright shining star here. Not many people are willing to accept that their fear actually has helped them. The general consensus in the world, or so it seems, is that fear is a bad thing - "we have nothing to fear but fear itself." But perhaps fear defines us more than any other emotion.
When we look at how fear has driven us, helped us, and defined us through our life we can make see some shocking results:
My driving fears are the fear of rejection and the fear of failure, which are the two most common fears according to Tracey. The fear of rejection tells me "I have to, I have to" and the fear of failure tells me "I can't, I can't," equating to "I have to but I can't." This creates much worry and stress in my life.
1) The fear of rejection makes me afraid to take my own path. People have things they expect of me and so I feel that "I have to" do those things, even when my heart might tell me otherwise. Fear of rejection also keeps me from doing certain things. I am afraid of quitting my job. This fear runs so deep that I feel that I have to become the best at everything or I won't be accepted by people, or in other words this way I'm most likely to be accepted by the most people. I have become obsessed with perfection not for myself, but for others." Keeping up with the Joneses" has become the subtext of my life and it comes with a lot of stress.
My fear of failure also makes me afraid to take my own path. I'm afraid what failure means in life, that perhaps I am not who I think I am or can be. I'm also afraid of failure because that will lead to rejection - a tie between these two fears that I feel is very strong. I'm afraid to leave my job because I might fail in finding something better. I'm afraid that if I leave I won't have anything to put on my resume and it will doom my career. This fear goes so deep that I fight almost anything, even if it's not even that important. I will fight over what time it is and whether or not it will rain. I can't allow myself to be wrong - ever.
2) My fear of rejection has actually done a lot of good in my life. While it makes me obsessed with being the best, it also makes me work harder than most people. I constantly am looking for ways to outsmart and outwork others (which may actually be a negative sometimes). I never let my life stagnate, because stagnation to me means failure. If I'm not constantly on the run, then I'm not keeping up and getting ahead, which means I'm failing and being rejected.
This extended farther than I could have imagined. While perhaps not the only reason, my fear of rejection and failure branched out to the international. I got it in my head that if I don't become the absolute best - the president of the US or better - then I will be a failure. I figured that I needed to learn multiple foreign languages, because I will have to be the best president our country has ever seen and that means international expertise. One underlying reason behind my drive to move to China was to master international relations, which starts with understanding language and people.
It's possible that even my choice to go to college at UCSD was based on fear of rejection. Going back even further, even doing well in school was based on this. I used to do terrible in school and not care up until about the same point that I started doing poorly in baseball. I wanted to please my parents, my teachers, and gain the attention and affection of other students, so I figured that I had to go into the honors program. When I got there I found that I was way behind everyone else and that was very embarrassing. I worked extremely hard and caught up in the end, even passing many of them.
I was tired of school and wasn't sure that I wanted to go to college just yet. I was considering moving abroad or doing something crazy and exciting; however I knew that there were too many people expecting "better" things of me and everyone was going to college somewhere. If I was going to college I wanted to go to the best - Stanford. I got the application, but then I was too afraid to do it for fear of what that rejection letter would mean.
3) As shown above, I might not be the same person I am today without fear - a college graduate, multi-lingual, and driven to work so hard. I wouldn't eliminate these fears even if I could. Fear is human, so I think this question is worded poorly. I think he should say "how would your life change if you could harness your fear into a positive: control it."
If I could harness my fear I would continue to be motivated and strive for perfection, but it wouldn't be devastating to me if I don't reach it - I would focus on the path more than the result, which leads to a happier life. Losing - my biggest problem - would be gone, and I would be more willing to take failures and turn them into learning tools for future success. There are many situations in which fear holds me back, keeps me from acting on things that I should be acting on - all of these things I will be able to do without thinking at all. This will relieve a lot of stress in my life. If I can harness this fear I will stop looking for security pockets where I can lay low away from from fear, and instead look for opportunities out in the open. I would throw the ball through the fear and the butterflies without a second thought.
While I know that fear isn't the ultimate deciding factor in my life, I have to recognize its power. Fear is a powerful tool and even more powerful when one masters it. It is not a one-sided destructive force, but actually very creative in its own right. Freedom, however, is only found when we do finally master fear and are free to make choices against animal instinct to hide in the dark but rather run toward the light.
The funniest thing about this is that my fears caused my drive for perfection, which lead me to personal development as I know that without fixing problems inside I will never have what it takes to become the best on the outside. Personal development lead me to examining my fears, which hopefully will lead to me overcoming my fears. Fear leads to overcoming fear. Wrap your brain around that one!
First, Identify a fear, then ask yourself these 3 questions:
1) How does this fear hold me back in life
2) How does this fear HELP me
3) What would my payoff be for eliminating this fear
#1 and #3 seem a little too obvious to me, but #2 was the real bright shining star here. Not many people are willing to accept that their fear actually has helped them. The general consensus in the world, or so it seems, is that fear is a bad thing - "we have nothing to fear but fear itself." But perhaps fear defines us more than any other emotion.
When we look at how fear has driven us, helped us, and defined us through our life we can make see some shocking results:
My driving fears are the fear of rejection and the fear of failure, which are the two most common fears according to Tracey. The fear of rejection tells me "I have to, I have to" and the fear of failure tells me "I can't, I can't," equating to "I have to but I can't." This creates much worry and stress in my life.
1) The fear of rejection makes me afraid to take my own path. People have things they expect of me and so I feel that "I have to" do those things, even when my heart might tell me otherwise. Fear of rejection also keeps me from doing certain things. I am afraid of quitting my job. This fear runs so deep that I feel that I have to become the best at everything or I won't be accepted by people, or in other words this way I'm most likely to be accepted by the most people. I have become obsessed with perfection not for myself, but for others." Keeping up with the Joneses" has become the subtext of my life and it comes with a lot of stress.
My fear of failure also makes me afraid to take my own path. I'm afraid what failure means in life, that perhaps I am not who I think I am or can be. I'm also afraid of failure because that will lead to rejection - a tie between these two fears that I feel is very strong. I'm afraid to leave my job because I might fail in finding something better. I'm afraid that if I leave I won't have anything to put on my resume and it will doom my career. This fear goes so deep that I fight almost anything, even if it's not even that important. I will fight over what time it is and whether or not it will rain. I can't allow myself to be wrong - ever.
2) My fear of rejection has actually done a lot of good in my life. While it makes me obsessed with being the best, it also makes me work harder than most people. I constantly am looking for ways to outsmart and outwork others (which may actually be a negative sometimes). I never let my life stagnate, because stagnation to me means failure. If I'm not constantly on the run, then I'm not keeping up and getting ahead, which means I'm failing and being rejected.
This extended farther than I could have imagined. While perhaps not the only reason, my fear of rejection and failure branched out to the international. I got it in my head that if I don't become the absolute best - the president of the US or better - then I will be a failure. I figured that I needed to learn multiple foreign languages, because I will have to be the best president our country has ever seen and that means international expertise. One underlying reason behind my drive to move to China was to master international relations, which starts with understanding language and people.
It's possible that even my choice to go to college at UCSD was based on fear of rejection. Going back even further, even doing well in school was based on this. I used to do terrible in school and not care up until about the same point that I started doing poorly in baseball. I wanted to please my parents, my teachers, and gain the attention and affection of other students, so I figured that I had to go into the honors program. When I got there I found that I was way behind everyone else and that was very embarrassing. I worked extremely hard and caught up in the end, even passing many of them.
I was tired of school and wasn't sure that I wanted to go to college just yet. I was considering moving abroad or doing something crazy and exciting; however I knew that there were too many people expecting "better" things of me and everyone was going to college somewhere. If I was going to college I wanted to go to the best - Stanford. I got the application, but then I was too afraid to do it for fear of what that rejection letter would mean.
3) As shown above, I might not be the same person I am today without fear - a college graduate, multi-lingual, and driven to work so hard. I wouldn't eliminate these fears even if I could. Fear is human, so I think this question is worded poorly. I think he should say "how would your life change if you could harness your fear into a positive: control it."
If I could harness my fear I would continue to be motivated and strive for perfection, but it wouldn't be devastating to me if I don't reach it - I would focus on the path more than the result, which leads to a happier life. Losing - my biggest problem - would be gone, and I would be more willing to take failures and turn them into learning tools for future success. There are many situations in which fear holds me back, keeps me from acting on things that I should be acting on - all of these things I will be able to do without thinking at all. This will relieve a lot of stress in my life. If I can harness this fear I will stop looking for security pockets where I can lay low away from from fear, and instead look for opportunities out in the open. I would throw the ball through the fear and the butterflies without a second thought.
While I know that fear isn't the ultimate deciding factor in my life, I have to recognize its power. Fear is a powerful tool and even more powerful when one masters it. It is not a one-sided destructive force, but actually very creative in its own right. Freedom, however, is only found when we do finally master fear and are free to make choices against animal instinct to hide in the dark but rather run toward the light.
The funniest thing about this is that my fears caused my drive for perfection, which lead me to personal development as I know that without fixing problems inside I will never have what it takes to become the best on the outside. Personal development lead me to examining my fears, which hopefully will lead to me overcoming my fears. Fear leads to overcoming fear. Wrap your brain around that one!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Fear and Confidence - theme of the year?
This has to end. I have to stop constantly living in fear of so many things. I should have an abundance of confidence in so many areas, and yet I don't and it is once again affecting my life.
The first time my life was affected largely by a sudden loss of confidence and then an over-gripping fear was in middle school. It was baseball season and I was one of the best players in the city. I woke up one morning with a strange feeling, something that I had never felt before. It was fear. I don't know where the fear came from, but it was there - I could almost smell it so stiff in the air.
I went to baseball practice that day and it was still around me. My heart started racing, but why? Why would the butterflies follow me to the place that I was so comfortable? They didn't belong here and yet here they were. When I gripped the ball it didn't feel right anymore. Before it was so comfortable and I knew exactly what to do with it, or more like my body knew what to do with it. I never had to think about it before. Now I was overwhelmed by a sense of "there;" I was suddenly overly conscious of every stitch of thread, the wind over head, the ache in my elbow, the rock in my shoe. I went to throw the ball and it all fell apart. There was too much thinking, the rhythm of my body was thrown off. The butterflies had created a thick air of fear that didn't allow the ball to freely move in the direction I wanted. It wavered. It didn't hit the target.
From then on nothing was ever easy again. Was this what happens with the rise of consciousness, or is there something deeper that I need to fix? Either way, the problem has persisted until this day and I'm tired.
I have been attempting to address this problem on and off ever since I started this blog, but that isn't enough. This problem has to be attacked head on in order to get rid of it, and if I don't soon then once again I'll be missing a target right in front of me, whether it's singing, doing handstands, calling clients on the phone, talking to my boss, making friends, or what. This problem has gotten too deep rooted and now it's showing itself in every branch of my life.
I am constantly learning new things, but one thing that I need to learn has always eluded me - how to fail. I haven't learned how to take embarrassment and failure not only in stride, but happily. I was reading about this guy Tim Ferris who wrote the book "The 4 hour work week." He does what I've always wanted to do in life, so I spent the afternoon analyzing what it is that he has that I don't have that allows him to do all of these things.
Then I found it. I read a blog post about learning language. He learns language faster than I do - he speaks 6 fluently and learned in record time - 10 weeks a piece. He says that the key is to learn to fail, learn how to accept embarrassment. This way you don't have to spend years in a classroom avoiding the trial and error process of learning by first perfecting your skills and then moving onto real life; instead you jump in and learn at an exponential rate as you constantly try yourself in the real world. Every time you make a mistake it becomes ingrained in your brain and you learn it instantly, instead of doing weeks of exercises to learn the same thing. If you are OK with being embarrassed you will take your crappy skills and try to use them in real life situations, which once again sets you up to learn faster and more useful skills.
My friend wrote me the following this morning:
你需要克服心理障碍才能去做的东西，包括好的和不好的。好的：适当的冒险，打电话给你的客户。你需要克服不愿意长大的心瘾，才能做到。坏的：沉迷游戏，聚会，女人，你同样需要知道这样的东西都不是支撑你精神世界的长久之计。所以，你需要打破这种心瘾。 人有欲望，是正常的。但是有时候你没有欲望，还是会有心瘾。
"You have to overcome psychological barriers before you can do many things, some are good and some are bad. Good ones: Taking on risks and calling your clients. You have to get over the gut reaction against growing before you can do this. Bad ones: Video game addiction, partying and girls. You have to know that these things are not moving your life plans forward, so you have to break through the barriers in your mind. People have hopes, it's normal, but sometimes you don't want something but it is still engraved in your psychology. "
So once again here I am, at the edge of the cliff looking over. Behind me are the shadows of myself, one urging me back and the other urging me forward. "If you want to wake up, you need to jump" says one. "Don't do it! You'll die! Stay here with me" says the other. "It's safer and more comfortable." I have already seen a glimpse of reality in broken shards of the mirror on the ground, but to accept it and make the leap of faith requires the use of a different organ. The voices fill my head and then suddenly disappear. The rain pouring hard on my head, lightening striking on either side, and it becomes apparent what must be done.
The first time my life was affected largely by a sudden loss of confidence and then an over-gripping fear was in middle school. It was baseball season and I was one of the best players in the city. I woke up one morning with a strange feeling, something that I had never felt before. It was fear. I don't know where the fear came from, but it was there - I could almost smell it so stiff in the air.
I went to baseball practice that day and it was still around me. My heart started racing, but why? Why would the butterflies follow me to the place that I was so comfortable? They didn't belong here and yet here they were. When I gripped the ball it didn't feel right anymore. Before it was so comfortable and I knew exactly what to do with it, or more like my body knew what to do with it. I never had to think about it before. Now I was overwhelmed by a sense of "there;" I was suddenly overly conscious of every stitch of thread, the wind over head, the ache in my elbow, the rock in my shoe. I went to throw the ball and it all fell apart. There was too much thinking, the rhythm of my body was thrown off. The butterflies had created a thick air of fear that didn't allow the ball to freely move in the direction I wanted. It wavered. It didn't hit the target.
From then on nothing was ever easy again. Was this what happens with the rise of consciousness, or is there something deeper that I need to fix? Either way, the problem has persisted until this day and I'm tired.
I have been attempting to address this problem on and off ever since I started this blog, but that isn't enough. This problem has to be attacked head on in order to get rid of it, and if I don't soon then once again I'll be missing a target right in front of me, whether it's singing, doing handstands, calling clients on the phone, talking to my boss, making friends, or what. This problem has gotten too deep rooted and now it's showing itself in every branch of my life.
I am constantly learning new things, but one thing that I need to learn has always eluded me - how to fail. I haven't learned how to take embarrassment and failure not only in stride, but happily. I was reading about this guy Tim Ferris who wrote the book "The 4 hour work week." He does what I've always wanted to do in life, so I spent the afternoon analyzing what it is that he has that I don't have that allows him to do all of these things.
Then I found it. I read a blog post about learning language. He learns language faster than I do - he speaks 6 fluently and learned in record time - 10 weeks a piece. He says that the key is to learn to fail, learn how to accept embarrassment. This way you don't have to spend years in a classroom avoiding the trial and error process of learning by first perfecting your skills and then moving onto real life; instead you jump in and learn at an exponential rate as you constantly try yourself in the real world. Every time you make a mistake it becomes ingrained in your brain and you learn it instantly, instead of doing weeks of exercises to learn the same thing. If you are OK with being embarrassed you will take your crappy skills and try to use them in real life situations, which once again sets you up to learn faster and more useful skills.
My friend wrote me the following this morning:
你需要克服心理障碍才能去做的东西，包括好的和不好的。好的：适当的冒险，打电话给你的客户。你需要克服不愿意长大的心瘾，才能做到。坏的：沉迷游戏，聚会，女人，你同样需要知道这样的东西都不是支撑你精神世界的长久之计。所以，你需要打破这种心瘾。 人有欲望，是正常的。但是有时候你没有欲望，还是会有心瘾。
"You have to overcome psychological barriers before you can do many things, some are good and some are bad. Good ones: Taking on risks and calling your clients. You have to get over the gut reaction against growing before you can do this. Bad ones: Video game addiction, partying and girls. You have to know that these things are not moving your life plans forward, so you have to break through the barriers in your mind. People have hopes, it's normal, but sometimes you don't want something but it is still engraved in your psychology. "
So once again here I am, at the edge of the cliff looking over. Behind me are the shadows of myself, one urging me back and the other urging me forward. "If you want to wake up, you need to jump" says one. "Don't do it! You'll die! Stay here with me" says the other. "It's safer and more comfortable." I have already seen a glimpse of reality in broken shards of the mirror on the ground, but to accept it and make the leap of faith requires the use of a different organ. The voices fill my head and then suddenly disappear. The rain pouring hard on my head, lightening striking on either side, and it becomes apparent what must be done.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Man Holes
China has a man-hole problem. There is finally truth to the fear that some people have of walking over a man hole and falling in. In China this might just happen to you.
On the way to work today I noticed something strange: there was a giant hole in the middle of the street! I asked a friend about it and she said that people in China STEAL - yes STEAL - man hole covers and sell them for money. I thought this was a rare occurrence, but she said it's not. While this is the first time I've seen this happen, or I should say noticed, it is probably a more prominent occurrence in other areas that aren't so populated and are less affluent.
Just imagine - you're walking along the street listening to music or playing your PSP and wham, you're down a man hole. Down at the bottom you'd probably run into several other unlucky civilians who just happened to take this exact path that you did. Then you all wait there, probably with a broken leg or two, for the cops to show up to get you out. Incredible.
Put your gloves on and borrow your neighbors truck - lets all go out and make a few extra bucks stealing man hole covers. Hey, we'll get one hell of a laugh out of it too!
On the way to work today I noticed something strange: there was a giant hole in the middle of the street! I asked a friend about it and she said that people in China STEAL - yes STEAL - man hole covers and sell them for money. I thought this was a rare occurrence, but she said it's not. While this is the first time I've seen this happen, or I should say noticed, it is probably a more prominent occurrence in other areas that aren't so populated and are less affluent.
Just imagine - you're walking along the street listening to music or playing your PSP and wham, you're down a man hole. Down at the bottom you'd probably run into several other unlucky civilians who just happened to take this exact path that you did. Then you all wait there, probably with a broken leg or two, for the cops to show up to get you out. Incredible.
Put your gloves on and borrow your neighbors truck - lets all go out and make a few extra bucks stealing man hole covers. Hey, we'll get one hell of a laugh out of it too!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Decision Making
In the process of growing up I've learned that nothing can be taken for granted and everything about a person can be improved, including decision making skills. I always thought this was an non-improvable characteristic that sets itself once you hit maturity, similar to outer characteristics like your nose or height, but I was wrong. Things on the inside are more flexible than I originally anticipated. I took it for granted.
I've always felt that making judgments and decisions in various situations was always one of my greatest strengths as a person. I'm smart and extremely logical, but most important I'm fast. I spent a hefty chunk of time in my past playing fast paced real time strategy video games, mostly starcraft and warcraft 3, on nearly the highest level possible. I take my confidence in video game snap-decision making and translated that into confidence in making snap decisions at work and in life in general.
The problem with this kind of decision making is that the world is a far more complicated place than the isolated environment in a video game. There are far fewer variables in a video games and all information is usually out in the open and clear, so I can easily assess a situation. In Life, the situation isn't always clear; I can't just send a scout troop out to check the enemy movement. I find myself often making stiff judgements that are proven wrong in the following few days as new information arises, or even in a few minutes as someone speaks up out of more experience or knowledge in the area. I do this out of habit rather than out of necessity. For some situations being able to make quick decisions is an asset, while in some situations it works against you.
Solutions: I've come up with a guideline for myself to follow from now on. When I think of things this way I should be able to improve my decision making skills.
1. Determine the time frame for a solution. How urgent is this?
2. Determine the gravity of the situation. The first variable is time, so this one would be space. How large is the problem at hand? The universe is broken into space and time, so should your decision making.
3. Who is involved and how? This question is one of the most important because it deals directly with the people question. By knowing who is involved and who will be affected, you can more accurately plan your attack and know what results you are looking for. You also know who will be affected if you screw up, so by backtracking you can more accurately avoid the mistakes that affect the most people.
4. Record and Double Check: Before making a decision, make sure that everything that is involved has been recorded: what was asked of you, what needs to be done to get there, who is involved, how much time it will take, and what your plan is. Then double check it and make sure you double check with the person who asked you to make the decision. If you do something without first checking with the person who asked you to do it, you might be doing something that they didn't ask for. This avoids problems of miscommunication, and also more importantly backlash. With records of everything, if a mistake has been made you can trace it back to its origin. Was it your fault or someone else's? Could this have been avoided?
While #4 isn't usually possible when needing to make "snap" decisions, the first three are really helpful. Sometimes what may seem like it needs to be decided now isn't as urgent as it seems. People may be looking for a decision now, but they more often than not can put it off while you take more time to analyze the information. This is what I do worst - I feed off of everyone's impatience for an answer and compulsively spit out what I feel is right at the time without research.
#4 then kicks in with everything else. Not only will this help with the thinking process, but the system is there to save you from people, including your past self. I say past self here because after you've went through with whatever decision and found that you made a mistake, this will help you see how you can avoid it in the future - thus improving your ability in the future.
I made a mistake today at work that may be pretty costly because I didn't follow these steps. I came up with a decision and put it through in an hour when I had a day to do it. I didn't double check with the client that needed something done, and it turned out that there was a miscommunication that may push my project back a week. I didn't realize the gravity of the situation: I didn't know how much much work it would take to get the project done and that any mistake would cost quite a few people a lot of time. I didn't record everything, so I can't prove that it wasn't a fault in my Chinese or because of my lack of experience, so either the others believe me or I'm at fault - I'm completely in their hands.
Luckily I can save myself from my past self - I can improve the way I make decisions in the future and not make these kinds of mistakes again. Of course definitely most important is not taking them to heart and using them as ways to improve. So here I am. Any suggestions?
Monday, October 13, 2008
The road to work
It was 8:32 and I started shuffling about in a restless way, staring up at the screen that shows what floor the elevator is currently on. "11." It was going down. I normally get out of my apartment at 8:20, but today I felt the need to sleep in an extra ten minutes, so my whole morning routine got thrown off. I still did the normal routine- get dressed, wash face, brush teeth, put in contacts, grab book, water, bag, put on shoes, out the door, but there was a feeling of uneasiness as I knew the clock was not on my side.
A funny thought. Last night I heard the ticking of the clock for the first time since I moved into my apartment. I had already gotten used to the constant tick, which at first kept me awake but now helps me sleep. Last night I consciously heard it and it gave me chills. Why all of a sudden did something that I was so comfortable with suddenly stick out so obscurely?
8:33. The elevator was already on the way back up. I scolded myself for feeling rushed - even if I was a few minutes late what was the big deal? It's not the end of the world, and will go almost completely unnoticed by anyone else, so there is no reason for me to tense up over something like this. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. I relaxed and stepped through the doors - going down.
10 minutes later I got on the subway. I opened my book and began to read. The pages in front of me talked of a man who just had a heart attack and had to be picked up by an ambulance. He lived alone, retired and did investing. Now he suddenly realized that he was out of touch with his family and tried calling them, but they weren't very responsive at first. He was out of touch with his son and ex-wife as well. He lead a perfect personal life but had nothing to show socially.
The doors opened and I got out. Was I leading a similar lifestyle? I began to think about my family and how in touch I am with them. I rarely find the time to make a call home, let alone to any of my friends. My relationship with my grandma is the closest to anyone in my family - we talk nearly everyday online. After that I'm decently close with my brother, although we only talk once a week. Next would come my mom who makes it a point to see how I'm doing every week on MSN, although I don't always get back to her. Other than that, most of my relationships in the US have been deteriorating.
A guy in front of me puffs some smoke just in front of my face. I dodge to the left and speed past him. 9:00. I still have 15 minutes, I won't be late.
I haven't talked to my Aunt for a long time - if I had ever talked to her. She is a work-a-holic now and puts all of her energy into her church and work. I can't blame everything on her though: our family hasn't put in the greatest effort to keep her in the circle, and neither have I. She used to go crazy over Christmas, sending all sorts of gifts, and loved to come down and visit whenever she could. I used to love her visits because she had so much energy and was a kid just like us. She got over that and so did we.
My uncle Steve's story is similar. When we got older and he got married, we never heard from him again and didn't put much effort into keeping in touch.
I crossed the street past the food vendors and headed straight for my building. As I was crossing the street I felt a sudden urge to start singing. Was I doing things right? Would it matter if I locked myself in my room, studied for the next 6 years and gained all the knowledge and skills in the world? I don't think I could, anyway. Most motivation I get from interactions with other people. I would most likely end up watching movies, eating, and getting fat. At least I know where to go from here.
The elevator up to my floor went down. How annoying, I thought at first. People got in at the basement and then we stopped again at the first floor. People crowded in, squeezing us against the walls. Again I was about to think "how annoying" but I stopped myself. This isn't the right mindset for turning things around. If I were any of them I would be in a hurry and want to squeeze in as well. The change has to come from me, not from my Aunt or Uncle. I can start everything and get things back on track.
The elevator went up and I felt elated and ready for a nice day at work. I planned on being more proactive and accepting in relationships. This will be a good day.
A funny thought. Last night I heard the ticking of the clock for the first time since I moved into my apartment. I had already gotten used to the constant tick, which at first kept me awake but now helps me sleep. Last night I consciously heard it and it gave me chills. Why all of a sudden did something that I was so comfortable with suddenly stick out so obscurely?
8:33. The elevator was already on the way back up. I scolded myself for feeling rushed - even if I was a few minutes late what was the big deal? It's not the end of the world, and will go almost completely unnoticed by anyone else, so there is no reason for me to tense up over something like this. The elevator dinged and the doors opened. I relaxed and stepped through the doors - going down.
10 minutes later I got on the subway. I opened my book and began to read. The pages in front of me talked of a man who just had a heart attack and had to be picked up by an ambulance. He lived alone, retired and did investing. Now he suddenly realized that he was out of touch with his family and tried calling them, but they weren't very responsive at first. He was out of touch with his son and ex-wife as well. He lead a perfect personal life but had nothing to show socially.
The doors opened and I got out. Was I leading a similar lifestyle? I began to think about my family and how in touch I am with them. I rarely find the time to make a call home, let alone to any of my friends. My relationship with my grandma is the closest to anyone in my family - we talk nearly everyday online. After that I'm decently close with my brother, although we only talk once a week. Next would come my mom who makes it a point to see how I'm doing every week on MSN, although I don't always get back to her. Other than that, most of my relationships in the US have been deteriorating.
A guy in front of me puffs some smoke just in front of my face. I dodge to the left and speed past him. 9:00. I still have 15 minutes, I won't be late.
I haven't talked to my Aunt for a long time - if I had ever talked to her. She is a work-a-holic now and puts all of her energy into her church and work. I can't blame everything on her though: our family hasn't put in the greatest effort to keep her in the circle, and neither have I. She used to go crazy over Christmas, sending all sorts of gifts, and loved to come down and visit whenever she could. I used to love her visits because she had so much energy and was a kid just like us. She got over that and so did we.
My uncle Steve's story is similar. When we got older and he got married, we never heard from him again and didn't put much effort into keeping in touch.
I crossed the street past the food vendors and headed straight for my building. As I was crossing the street I felt a sudden urge to start singing. Was I doing things right? Would it matter if I locked myself in my room, studied for the next 6 years and gained all the knowledge and skills in the world? I don't think I could, anyway. Most motivation I get from interactions with other people. I would most likely end up watching movies, eating, and getting fat. At least I know where to go from here.
The elevator up to my floor went down. How annoying, I thought at first. People got in at the basement and then we stopped again at the first floor. People crowded in, squeezing us against the walls. Again I was about to think "how annoying" but I stopped myself. This isn't the right mindset for turning things around. If I were any of them I would be in a hurry and want to squeeze in as well. The change has to come from me, not from my Aunt or Uncle. I can start everything and get things back on track.
The elevator went up and I felt elated and ready for a nice day at work. I planned on being more proactive and accepting in relationships. This will be a good day.
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